Cranky mood lately...

Yea, the title says it all. I believe cranky mood + thoughts of the past and coincide with bad timing, do not make a good combination. By any case, spoken to another and it just kinda highlighted a point to me last night. Am just gonna remove it now and would like to clarify that any harm done was not intended. Just hope the person whom I think I offended accidentally might not take it too hard.

Adding on to that, with the fact that am missing out on SISF, sigh... went for the memorable one last year when we broke the Guinness Books of Records for the total number of couples in a reuda circle then partying the night away followed by a mad rush to look for my passport for my trip to Hong Kong the very next day. It was all fun, fun and more fun!

Argh.. slept at 4am and woke up at 6am to send Eziq to the airport. Believe I would be struggling the rest of the day until 5pm when lessons end. Problem is that I totally forgot about it until the minute before I sleep then I realised that I had to wake up 2 hours later to make the half an hour drive.

Hope the steak dinner tonight would be good. Accompanied with it would be the bottle of Club Red. (Mel.. ring any bells?) It was a last minute arrangement and looking at the way things are, seems like gonna be an early night for me.

Dad's Birthday

Today is dad's 44th birthday. I called him earlier today to wish him happy birthday but he told me he was at the doctor;s and would call me back. He did. We had a long conversation about my mum and other things that had been happening back at home. Its like normally we don't talk much but ever since I came here we seem to chat more. I guess its the issue of the distance. When people are near you, you never seem to notice them until they leave. With everything settled and ensuring that am not that mad with my mum cause she is my mum after-all, we talk about other stuff that has been happening.

Just now for dinner, didn't know what got into me. I just cook and cook. It seems as if I never had any idea how much food I was cooking until Andy dropped by to ask for some help regarding the anatomy quiz which I had done earlier this morning. His is tomorrow afternoon. Its just some simple meal to fill a hungry stomach. I had boiled broccoli, fried egg, pork chop and pan-fried butter-garlic dory fillet. He tried abit of the fish and loved it. Now just have to concentrate on my studies.

Not been having the mood to study today. I believe must be the early morning strain in the hospital looking at stink intestines and cadavers.

Anyway, had mentioned to Tamsin that I am moving out and that I would inform Jason later when he comes back. I am giving them more than the required 2 weeks notice and hope nothing will go wrong. I got to admit I love this place, but various factors prompted me to move out. Finance is just part of the reason. This place brings sad memories. Best for a new environment and maybe things might be better in the future.

Pissed.

I just went off to see my aunt earlier in the afternoon. Mainly its to discuss about where and when to move my things over. I am moving out of my current place and would need a place to store my belongings and no way am I paying somewhere close to AUD$1500 just to store my stuff in my current room. Blame it on my current landlord for not agreeing to lower the rent further down. Already I am paying AUD$120 a week and he would only lower it down to AUD$100 for the summer break which I would not be here. Other places charges around AUD$50 a week just to hold the room and it makes no sense for me to hang on to this room while paying such a huge amount.

Our conversation did not start with the moving of stuff, of course. It all started when she told me about what my mum had been telling her. Aunt is unhappy, making me unhappy. Apparently my mum do NOT want me to even go back home. NOT even for this long summer vacation it seems. She seems more concern of the rent amount that would incur if I were to go back. Fact is that I discuss the issue of me moving out with her and dad even before I notify anyone else.

Then the conversation leads to how independent am I. Hey, if you want me to live on my own expenses. Tell me so. Don't tell me its alright in the face about finance issue then go behind my back and tell someone else another story. I am damn pissed. I am not going to write more about this cause this IS the internet for Christ's sake. I just needed a place to write it out to vent frustrations.

Will go back to Singapore to have a good talk with her and to find out what is that she really wants from me. Its not that long til I go back anyway. I just checked and it says 36 days to going home. Meanwhile, should at least try to focus on the more important task at hand for now. Exams in 20 days.

P.S. - May Ee - You are lucky you do not have so much shit happening. Sometimes it really sucks to be me.

Donuts.

I was thinking of writing out a Thank you note to those who had been encouraging for so long. On second thought, I decided against it as i figured that there is no need to do so and write too much here.

A friend who skipped classes to run marathon just came back from Melbourne. She ran 21km in 2 hrs and 11 mins. I will admit first that I cannot do that. Its siao! Asked her to help bring back some souvenirs though...















Krispy Kreme!!!!!!

Haha. A dozen of them!! For the benefit of those in SG, Krispy Kreme is like the branded Donuts. People queue for them and this IS the good stuff! Nothing can beat them, Dunkin Donuts, Donut King and Donut Factory is nothing like Krispy Kreme. They are the BEST~!















And no... You are not seeing double. Its really a box of dozen assorted Donuts!~!~..

They make wonderful snacks.. Although my lab demostrator had told me today that I looked bigger, I DON'T CARE!! Just hope these will cheer me up..

A heart warming phrase.

First and foremost, thanks to all that replied. Am glad to know that it makes sense and at least enable one to think more abt their current relationship(s).

I spoke to May Ee just now. That little girl all alone in Canada as well. Since her connection is really bad, I had to resort to calling her on her phone while looking at her via webcam instead. I got alot of credits in my phone as I seldom had to use it as often as last time. I topped up my credits til quite alot thinking that it would be better for me to call back sometimes but somehow, as a friend told me couple days ago, "Many things can change in 1 month".. and so now I am left with too much credits left unused.

So we chatted for almost an hour just now. A brother-sister chat which can last so long is deemed a miracle when we don't even see much or talk much to one another when we see each other back home. Got to know alot of different things that happened and no doubt we gossip quite abit.

However, when I informed her that I might not see her for a couple years as our summer vacations are at different times, she screamed..

"Kor.. I miss you!"

That phrase. Although its only 4 words long, had a mega huge impact. Its been so long since I heard something like that. As someone told me just now

".. ya its so heart warming when yr loved ones says misses u when hardli see each other..."

How true. Hearing the last 3 words really brighten up my day. Its like am feeling kinda jaded but with that phrase, it really cheered me up. Even friends here knows that it takes quite alot to cheer me up these few weeks but its really amazing how just these 3 words can work wonders.

For once in a long while, I can say that I feel cheerful today.

Trust.

I figured one thing the past few days after my lengthy conversation with Klein. Of course other people did say things that bring a spark to a similar lightbulb. You see,when we talk about trust, as in trusting the person in a relationship especially, its all about whether you want to trust him/her, NOT about whether you can trust him/her.

These are 2 different things. If you WANT to trust the person, you will do it. However, if you do NOT WANT to trust the person, no matter how you try.. there's no way in achieving it. I find it quite distressing whenever I hear the terms "she says she cannot trust me.." or "i cannot trust you..". I mean look,.. there's no way you can trust him if you do not want to in the first place?!

Usually its due to some incident that happened resulting in the loss of it, so both parties have to work together in order to make the relationship last. And not sit on the fat bottom and wait for a miracle to happen. Issues big or small, all can be resolved. There's no such thing such as a problem too difficult to fix.

Sometimes, as human being we tend to miss out on the big picture and focus solely on the small ones. If you say you can no longer trust that person, then think of what can be done to gain it back. For crying out loud, think of the solutions instead of the problems all the time.

I am not sure if I am making much sense here but at least do think about it. Consider wisely before you start throwing the word TRUST around freely. If I am wrong about this, then at least leave a comment to educate everyone here instead. Comments are definitely appreciated.

an understanding..

had a long talk with K..
he told me his story abt H and him..

somehow we came to the same conclusion..
based on wat we had seen our friends been thru and wat we had been through ourselves...
that when it comes to a relationship...

females are heartless by large...
they basically dun care abt ur feelings when announcing they want a break..
and that, compared to guys...
we tend to pay more attention to the girl's feelings and try to soften the impact cause we dun want them to be in a tougher situation than they already are.
while females on the other hand are just plain brutal.
when they feel that they no longer have anymore feelings for the person..
they just asked for a break without blinking an eye..
how much more brutal can it get?

then when guys made an 'emotional' U-turn...
he is back for good...
main reason is that he regrets wat happens and would do anything just for that U-turn...
but the female counterparts are able to do the same turn....
but still make the whole relationship as volatile as it can get~!...

call guys stubborn or wat...
when the whole relationship is failing...
guys would still hang on and fight til the last breathe...
cause if he were to go down..
he rather go down fighting for something which he believes in.
and most of the time..
we got shrugged off as if we are a pest on their shoulders.
girls got it easier of course...
the girls tend to just let go and see if the guy does anything..
we hardly heard of any girl(s) going all out to get the guy back...
not that there are none...
but based on the similar scenario...
i hardly think so...

then when guys are all alone in a foreign country...
we are expected to endure all things...
so when we mentioned that at least the girls got their own emotional support back at home...
or even their frens and familiar surroundings arnd..
they think the guys are mainly acting pitiful...
but fact is that we are NOT in our comfort zone..
who is trying to act pitiful?...
sigh...

and of course...
all this is largely based on the fact that IF the guy loves the girl more...
so pls dun turn arnd and shoot me for generalising all females...